A Weekend in Rhode Island

"There are a thousand reasons for failure, but not a single excuse." - Rudyard Kipling

It had certainly been a strange couple of weeks leading up to this past weekend. Something was most certainly off - and I found myself becoming more and more disconnected, regardless of what I tried to do to "jump start" myself. While I was certainly being very productive, I was finding myself being very insular and at times short with people. I get like that sometimes, but never really for a protracted period of time.

Anyway, I took this "funk" (for lack of a better term) with me on a road trip to Rhode Island - to visit with friends. After a brutal 5 1/2 hour bus ride to New London, CT (thanks to traffic on I-95, it wasn't Greyhound's fault) - I met up with Gabe, who had a softball game. I started watching the game, and then some friends met up with me to take me to go play some beach volleyball - which was completely unexpected. I hadn't played since goofing around in college, but it's one of those sports I seem to play pretty well. I think it's got a lot to do with my willingness to flail myself at any ball within a 100 foot radius without any permanent damage.

It was perfect weather that night, and we had a blast. Gabe and I went back to play plenty of board games - and went to bed knowing we were going to go climbing @ Lantern Hill the next morning! We met up with Eli early in the morning, and you couldn't have asked for better weather to climb - maybe 80 degrees, a slight breeze, not a cloud in the sky...yet I was still feeling...off.

The view from the top of Lantern Hill is amazing, albeit there's a few man-made eyesores. The hawks and vultures soaring right around you makes up for it though. We setup top ropes and began climbing. For all the reasons mentioned earlier, I just kept freezing on the wall. I found myself coming up with so many lame excuses for barely being able to stay on the wall - simply put, I felt weak.

Typical of my feelings then: The heights are causing me to feel sick to my stomach, my fingers scream in agony just placing them on rocks, I'm not comfortable with the ropes, my shoes aren't sticking very well, my shoulder's bothering me, I don't want to look like a schmuck, I climbed this rock better in sneakers 3 months ago!

I was so down on myself then, but I kept trying to hack away at the frustration and just fucking enjoy myself. The company was good enough (another group joined up with us), and then I just got on the easy wall - and was urged on by Gabe and Eli to get to the top of the wall come hell of high water. I got setup at the bottom of the wall and just said to myself "Stop feeling fucking sorry for yourself and get your ass up that wall"

So I started to climb. I took a slightly awkward route, which was proving to be pretty fun for the first 40-feet or so, till I got to a point where I had to navigate a traverse that earlier in the day I bailed on because it was making me feel very vulnerable to the heights. Eli continued to urge me on while belaying for me - and the confidence he showed in my ability (which I didn't feel was warranted by my previous attempts to ascend the wall) pushed me right through the traverse! This put me on a very large comfy ledge about 75% up the climb, where I took a minute, turned around and sat on a rock outcrop and took in the view. A peaceful calm washed over my body - and for the first time in weeks I felt simple and at peace. At that moment, a hawk flew past very majestically. It's just one of those moments that will always stay with me.

It didn't matter that this was the "easy" climb, or that I was struggling and needed prodding to get to this point - I was just present in the place I found myself - connected to the reality of it in a way I'd missed lately. I was happy.

Eli urged me to continue the climb, and to my surprise I finished it strong and came back down. I proceeded to climb pretty well the rest of the day - with my mind and body much more co-ordinated and elated. The rest of the weekend was awesome, and I got home feeling much more at peace with things.

I'm pretty grateful I've got friends who push me to always get better - and the ability to kick my own ass when I truly need it.

- Chris