A Sunday

My birthday party Friday night was fun - although attendance was sparse, everybody had fun with some Telestrations, Dixit & some drinks.

In general I've been a bit distracted this past week...for all the great things going on in my life right now - I haven't been finding any spiritual fulfillment in my day to day life. For all the reading & intellectual efforts I've put in trying to understand faith, spirituality & truth - I've finally realized that it's all bullshit unless you put it into practice in everyday situations. It took somebody this past week helping me make the connection between my MMA training and spirituality to see this...

Let's say 2 years ago I decide I want to learn MMA - how to kickbox, grapple, train to defend myself and get into great shape. Motivation isn't the problem - let's go kick some ass...to the library! I'm going to read every book I can find on the subject - and when I'm not reading I'll sample for sources on the Internet, YouTube videos...and I'm going to be ready to step into a UFC title bout!

Now it's easy to see that this is impossible. Thankfully, 2 years ago I walked into a Tiger Schulmann's gym, signed up for classes - and I've put the mileage on my body to get where I am today. The journey has shaped me into a much more confident, fit & healthy guy. I have received expert mentoring from some of the best in the business. While my learning is never complete, and I continue to develop - I have put the mileage on my body so that I can perform the moves with confidence. You can't get that from a book.

So now I look at my efforts in spiritual practice over the past 3 years - and I'm left wondering why I've settled for the first option. Sure, I've visited some temples on occasion, even happening in on some dharma talks & Buddhist rituals...but I have been trying to learn through intellectual effort. Spiritual development is no different than the physical development of a skill. While it's been definitely helpful for learning the terminology, history, theory & helping me to develop wisdom...it hasn't manifested in the spiritual "blooming" I've been yearning for. I simply haven't got put the miles in - haven't experienced spirit - just read about it in books.

So I took this person's advice, put down the books for a while and did something about it. It was a calm Sunday morning, and I woke up early and headed down to the Zen Center of New York City, a Zendo near Atlantic Terminal in Brooklyn. I was happy to wake up early enough to make a stop at Starbucks for some tea and sketching time before heading down - and I was able to really enjoy the fact that it was a quiet, calm day.

I arrived at the Zendo and was warmly greeted and shown around. Zen Buddhism has always intrigued me, and it's central focus is on self-development of one's mind through Zazen. Zazen is a method of meditation where one focuses on bringing the mind to a stillness - and develop the ability to be present in the moment you find yourself in. For more info: Wiki

The Sunday service began with some liturgy and chanting (a first for me to hear some chanting in English - which doesn't flow as well but helps to make more of a connection to what's actually being said). This was followed by an introductory lecture for us newcomers where we learned some effective postures and some information regarding the temple and goals of zazen, etc... While I knew a lot of what was being said - I was happy to maintain the "beginner's mind" and pick up a lot of valuable pointers.

After the introduction, we rejoined the rest of the students in the main hall for seated zazen, lasting a little over 30 minutes. I was then able to join the group for a 10 minute walking mediation - something I had never done, and was initially skeptical about (ah, the danger of those darn books). I really enjoyed this, and the senior student that gave a discourse afterwards really resonated a lot with how I've been feelings lately.

I can't say it was an overpowering experience when I left the Temple, but I was definitely feeling more connected to the pulse of everything around me. Having planned ahead, I walked the 10 blocks or so to Brooklyn Boulders, for some solo bouldering. My calm state helped me to visualize my routes better, and I was really enjoying completing some difficult V1's that I hadn't done before. I completed about 20 ascents out of 30-35 tries, which made me very happy.

So, in closing it's been a very calming day - and I mean calming in the sense that I feel a lot wiser for coming to the realization that I can't control change - even the good kind. I can't sit here and regret that I hadn't made these realizations sooner. The only thing I can control is what I do with where I find myself now - and for the first time in a long while I can say I find myself with some modicum of serenity.

- Chris