A Weekend in Rhode Island

"There are a thousand reasons for failure, but not a single excuse." - Rudyard Kipling

It had certainly been a strange couple of weeks leading up to this past weekend. Something was most certainly off - and I found myself becoming more and more disconnected, regardless of what I tried to do to "jump start" myself. While I was certainly being very productive, I was finding myself being very insular and at times short with people. I get like that sometimes, but never really for a protracted period of time.

Anyway, I took this "funk" (for lack of a better term) with me on a road trip to Rhode Island - to visit with friends. After a brutal 5 1/2 hour bus ride to New London, CT (thanks to traffic on I-95, it wasn't Greyhound's fault) - I met up with Gabe, who had a softball game. I started watching the game, and then some friends met up with me to take me to go play some beach volleyball - which was completely unexpected. I hadn't played since goofing around in college, but it's one of those sports I seem to play pretty well. I think it's got a lot to do with my willingness to flail myself at any ball within a 100 foot radius without any permanent damage.

It was perfect weather that night, and we had a blast. Gabe and I went back to play plenty of board games - and went to bed knowing we were going to go climbing @ Lantern Hill the next morning! We met up with Eli early in the morning, and you couldn't have asked for better weather to climb - maybe 80 degrees, a slight breeze, not a cloud in the sky...yet I was still feeling...off.

The view from the top of Lantern Hill is amazing, albeit there's a few man-made eyesores. The hawks and vultures soaring right around you makes up for it though. We setup top ropes and began climbing. For all the reasons mentioned earlier, I just kept freezing on the wall. I found myself coming up with so many lame excuses for barely being able to stay on the wall - simply put, I felt weak.

Typical of my feelings then: The heights are causing me to feel sick to my stomach, my fingers scream in agony just placing them on rocks, I'm not comfortable with the ropes, my shoes aren't sticking very well, my shoulder's bothering me, I don't want to look like a schmuck, I climbed this rock better in sneakers 3 months ago!

I was so down on myself then, but I kept trying to hack away at the frustration and just fucking enjoy myself. The company was good enough (another group joined up with us), and then I just got on the easy wall - and was urged on by Gabe and Eli to get to the top of the wall come hell of high water. I got setup at the bottom of the wall and just said to myself "Stop feeling fucking sorry for yourself and get your ass up that wall"

So I started to climb. I took a slightly awkward route, which was proving to be pretty fun for the first 40-feet or so, till I got to a point where I had to navigate a traverse that earlier in the day I bailed on because it was making me feel very vulnerable to the heights. Eli continued to urge me on while belaying for me - and the confidence he showed in my ability (which I didn't feel was warranted by my previous attempts to ascend the wall) pushed me right through the traverse! This put me on a very large comfy ledge about 75% up the climb, where I took a minute, turned around and sat on a rock outcrop and took in the view. A peaceful calm washed over my body - and for the first time in weeks I felt simple and at peace. At that moment, a hawk flew past very majestically. It's just one of those moments that will always stay with me.

It didn't matter that this was the "easy" climb, or that I was struggling and needed prodding to get to this point - I was just present in the place I found myself - connected to the reality of it in a way I'd missed lately. I was happy.

Eli urged me to continue the climb, and to my surprise I finished it strong and came back down. I proceeded to climb pretty well the rest of the day - with my mind and body much more co-ordinated and elated. The rest of the weekend was awesome, and I got home feeling much more at peace with things.

I'm pretty grateful I've got friends who push me to always get better - and the ability to kick my own ass when I truly need it.

- Chris

Mix CD

My buddy Mike and I came up with a cool project a few weeks ago: let's make mix CD's! It's something I haven't done since high school, when our friend Amanda was the queen of mix CD's. I thought it was a cool opportunity to share what kind of music really resonates with me, and I'm glad that he really enjoyed the CD. Without further ado, here's the playlist:

1. Rjd2 - Ghostwriter
2. Royksopp - What Else Is There?
3. Bonobo - Flutter
4. Antaeus - Motherese
5. Thievery Corporation - Facing East
6. Caia - Summer Lightning
7. Moodorama - The Bushoong
8. Bjork - All Is Full Of Love (You Tube the music video - it's amazing!)
9. Dan Black - Stewing Scintillation (from the real Dan Black)
10. Yoshida Brothers - Blooming
11. The Bravery - Believe
12. Mattafix - Big City Life
13. Andy Hunter - Come On
14. Hybrid - I Choose Noise
15. Kid Cudi - Alive (Nightmare) feat. Ratatat
16. Huey Lewis & The News - Hip To Be Square (just for fun)

The mix definitely starts with slower "working music" and progresses to a more accelerated "city beats" feel. If I could only listen to 1 CD for the rest of my life, this would be all I would need. Thankfully though, I can continue to broaden my horizons when it comes to music.

- Chris

New Work Update!

I've posted a new abstract piece on my website:



I made this piece in celebration of my father's birthday last week - and it was received very well. I am definately planning on doing more "caracature abstracts" in the future.

Website Portfolio Link Here

A Sunday

My birthday party Friday night was fun - although attendance was sparse, everybody had fun with some Telestrations, Dixit & some drinks.

In general I've been a bit distracted this past week...for all the great things going on in my life right now - I haven't been finding any spiritual fulfillment in my day to day life. For all the reading & intellectual efforts I've put in trying to understand faith, spirituality & truth - I've finally realized that it's all bullshit unless you put it into practice in everyday situations. It took somebody this past week helping me make the connection between my MMA training and spirituality to see this...

Let's say 2 years ago I decide I want to learn MMA - how to kickbox, grapple, train to defend myself and get into great shape. Motivation isn't the problem - let's go kick some ass...to the library! I'm going to read every book I can find on the subject - and when I'm not reading I'll sample for sources on the Internet, YouTube videos...and I'm going to be ready to step into a UFC title bout!

Now it's easy to see that this is impossible. Thankfully, 2 years ago I walked into a Tiger Schulmann's gym, signed up for classes - and I've put the mileage on my body to get where I am today. The journey has shaped me into a much more confident, fit & healthy guy. I have received expert mentoring from some of the best in the business. While my learning is never complete, and I continue to develop - I have put the mileage on my body so that I can perform the moves with confidence. You can't get that from a book.

So now I look at my efforts in spiritual practice over the past 3 years - and I'm left wondering why I've settled for the first option. Sure, I've visited some temples on occasion, even happening in on some dharma talks & Buddhist rituals...but I have been trying to learn through intellectual effort. Spiritual development is no different than the physical development of a skill. While it's been definitely helpful for learning the terminology, history, theory & helping me to develop wisdom...it hasn't manifested in the spiritual "blooming" I've been yearning for. I simply haven't got put the miles in - haven't experienced spirit - just read about it in books.

So I took this person's advice, put down the books for a while and did something about it. It was a calm Sunday morning, and I woke up early and headed down to the Zen Center of New York City, a Zendo near Atlantic Terminal in Brooklyn. I was happy to wake up early enough to make a stop at Starbucks for some tea and sketching time before heading down - and I was able to really enjoy the fact that it was a quiet, calm day.

I arrived at the Zendo and was warmly greeted and shown around. Zen Buddhism has always intrigued me, and it's central focus is on self-development of one's mind through Zazen. Zazen is a method of meditation where one focuses on bringing the mind to a stillness - and develop the ability to be present in the moment you find yourself in. For more info: Wiki

The Sunday service began with some liturgy and chanting (a first for me to hear some chanting in English - which doesn't flow as well but helps to make more of a connection to what's actually being said). This was followed by an introductory lecture for us newcomers where we learned some effective postures and some information regarding the temple and goals of zazen, etc... While I knew a lot of what was being said - I was happy to maintain the "beginner's mind" and pick up a lot of valuable pointers.

After the introduction, we rejoined the rest of the students in the main hall for seated zazen, lasting a little over 30 minutes. I was then able to join the group for a 10 minute walking mediation - something I had never done, and was initially skeptical about (ah, the danger of those darn books). I really enjoyed this, and the senior student that gave a discourse afterwards really resonated a lot with how I've been feelings lately.

I can't say it was an overpowering experience when I left the Temple, but I was definitely feeling more connected to the pulse of everything around me. Having planned ahead, I walked the 10 blocks or so to Brooklyn Boulders, for some solo bouldering. My calm state helped me to visualize my routes better, and I was really enjoying completing some difficult V1's that I hadn't done before. I completed about 20 ascents out of 30-35 tries, which made me very happy.

So, in closing it's been a very calming day - and I mean calming in the sense that I feel a lot wiser for coming to the realization that I can't control change - even the good kind. I can't sit here and regret that I hadn't made these realizations sooner. The only thing I can control is what I do with where I find myself now - and for the first time in a long while I can say I find myself with some modicum of serenity.

- Chris

The History of the Dahlia Hockey League

For my brother's birthday this past July, I cooked up a super secret project - a short comic based on our childhood street hockey days. The book was a real hit, and I've uploaded the complete book to my website.


View The Book: HERE.

Caviar into Steroids

If you've never played the hit new game Telestrations, you're doing yourself a disservice. I picked up in anticipation of Game Night @ Gabe & Auren's place in Rhode Island this past weekend. It ended up being played pretty much throughout the day, and near the end of the night it started getting particularly hilarious.

For those who've never played, the premise is everyone draws a card with 6 possible words, and a die roll decides which word everyone draws on their multi-paged whiteboard book. Then you pass the sketches to your left/right, and those players write a guess as to what the drawing depicts (not knowing the original word). Then players pass the word guess and have to sketch that. Then the books get passed, and another guess..etc until the book gets back to its original owner.

We decided to play one last game at the end of the night, and Lisa draw the word "Caviar". Without further ado, I present a perfectly fine sketch to represent Caviar:



Lisa passed her book to Eli, who started chuckling - writes a word - and then passes the book to Gabe, trying not to burst out in laughter. His guess: Menopause

Gabe gets the book, and starts bursting out in laughter and was joined by Eli to the point where Eli fell off the couch in tears...and nobody really knew wise. So Gabe did his best to convey the word:



I am the lucky soul to get this hilarious sketch, and now I start laughing to the point of tears, and I end up with barely enough sand left in the timer to make a guess. While I think I could have come up with a much better guess, I was laughing so hard and in a rush, so my guess was Female Hormone Suppressant

Alexandra gets the book, laughter naturally ensues and she sketches the following:



Alex passed the book to Nate (laughter of course ensues), who guesses Testosterone, and chuckles profusely as he hands the book to his wife Beth. Beth does her best to contain herself as she sketches this gem:



Yes, that is an injection directly into a penis...

Mike then gets the book, practically wets himself with laughter and makes the final guess: Steroids

Upon Lisa's revealing of the book, we were all in stiches as everyone was in on the whole joke. The quote of the night came from Gabe to Eli: "You made me draw menopause!!!"

What a fun time, and the closing game was absolutely epic.

- Chris

Selfish & Vicious?

A few weeks ago, my dad said something very interesting to me. I don't remember the quote verbatim, so I'm paraphrasing a bit here... "you know, I really feel like the world is becoming a more selfish and viscous place." In context, we were talking about the demands we've been finding on our time, and recent dealings with people in general.

At first, I agreed with my father's sentiments as they to a large degree sum up my feelings lately. Living in New York City, I'm constantly faced with a deluge of people that either rude, ignorant or both. Yet, I found myself contemplating what he said for the better part of the last week. There's a lot implied by a simple sentence like that, and I think there's a lot that lurks under the surface that deserves a lot of attention. It's more of an emotional reaction than a factual statement, and I surprised myself at how much my perceptions changed as I dug deeper into it.

So I looked into this thought, and asked myself "is the world today that much more selfish and/or viscous today?". I think in large part, the statement depends on context...too often, people (myself included) tend to be short-sighted on this very notion of context. Yeah, I think it's easy to say things are a lot more selfish and vicious feeling today if the sample size is narrow enough. For me, the world was a lot simpler and easier when I was a kid. Now that I'm in my late 20's and playing the role of "adult", this statement is easy to justify. Even trying to step into my dad's shoes, it could be very easy to justify that the world was a much saner and comfortable place. He's surrounded by different people, different situations (he's only got 1 kid still in the house instead of 4), a lot more responsibilities, risks, experiences, not to mention now that he's hit 50 there's an increased possibility of (knocking on the proverbial wood) health issues, increased insurance premiums, retirement, (as good a place as any to throw the words massive recession out there). So yeah, trying to put myself in his position, it's EASY to make that statement and honest-to-goodness believe it. However, I felt like I was taking the wrong approach, I don't think the comment was meant to reflect on our own personal lives, but rather as a broad brush on today's society.

Has "modern society" given in to feeling justified as selfish and self-serving as everyone else; "Damn the masses, I'm going to get mine come hell or high water". My initial reaction is to say that soooo many people in this day and age have come to this conclusion, it's easy to see it everywhere. But, is this feeling more prevalent now than it was in the past?

I think what underlies all of this is technology - the major driving force behind the majority of societal change. My personal experience with the effects of technology has been the "coming of age" of the Internet. I was born in 1982, so I basically grew up as the Internet did. By the time I was in high school, its true potential was being realized. I got my first cell phone at 17 and being heavily involved in technology since my youth I've been intimately intertwined with the amazing amount of technology advancement in the past 2 decades. I think it's relevant to mention all of this, because with these advancements in communication and information technology, it's fundamentally altered how we communicate and interact. Our world today has become one where we're literally bombarded with information on a regular basis, and one where it becomes very easy to feel like an insignificant cog that's got to fight to get above water & get what's ours.

We're plugged in pretty much every minute of every day, always anxious that we're going to miss out on something. We're forced to digest the myriad of information thrown at us so fast, that we've all become extremely adept to filtering it in quick little parcels, easy to throw it in the trash or hit the delete key. "It's not worth our time". I think this has made us more attuned to quick bits of information rather than longer, thoughtful transmissions of ideas. This anxiety doesn't allow us the freedom to sit with a particular issue/item/experience long enough to seek its true breadth. We're constantly looking forward to the next e-mail/issue/entertainment/item/etc... long story short -- we make ourselves this busy for fear of falling out of "the know".

Bringing it back to the comment at hand, I think everyone's got a lot more built-in excuses for being selfish. We spend less time meaningfully interacting with people because we're "busy". The pace of today's society is such that it takes a larger and larger percentage of our time, energy & resources to maintain our status, that often we resort to quick facebook updates or text messages to maintain contact. We feel comforted that we have hundreds of facebook friends, or e-mail "contacts" -- but how many of those people have you just sat down and had a real experience with in the past 6 months? a year?

What I'm trying to get at is that all this time being "busy" makes us seem selfish and self-absorbed. It's not completely true though, we're simply absorbed in all of our technology. It's a surrogate, not the real experience. I find myself more and more cherishing time spend around a board game with friends, a beer with a buddy, walks in the park, etc...than I spend checking my RSS feeds, filtering through friend's status updated and FarmVille accomplishments on Facebook (which I can't stand by the way), and I haven't touched on work e-mail yet...

So I don't think it's so much that we've become more selfish and viscous towards each other - I just think that the pace of life has blurred things so they seem that way. For as many burdens as technology may place on our time, it also opens up so many more opportunities. Access to knowledge and information is always becoming easier and easier, the spread of ideas are wider and quicker. For as much as this technology has added to our responsibilities and invaded into our personal time, it's also done much more to improve humanity on a global scale - the exact opposite of making the world more selfish and vicious.

I feel that the world has a way of self-balancing - writing, printing presses, radio and television have all had fundamental influences on humanity...and the internet is just the next stage in that evolution. Humans are still left with the fundamental choice on how we react within the situations we find ourselves in: situations that are increasingly infused with technology. I feel that the majority of people don't intend to be selfish or vicious, but we need to put in additional effort to get through the noise those technologies add to our lives.

- Chris